Bury Me, Bury Me
by rebeldesigns
Summary: Oneshot previously posted on Tumblr. Bonnie always knew, deep down, that the only person who could save her was herself. But when she gets back to Mystic Falls, fully intending to put that town and her so-called friends behind her for good, someone she least wants or expects back in her life decides to make an appearance. Bonkai and Bamon hints.


**Author's Note:** A little Bonkai thing I did on Tumblr a while back. Feeling nostalgic about the great OTP that could have been so I decided to post it here.

* * *

She comes back on her own, flies back to Mystic Falls on her own, and she's there for days– _days_ –on her own before anyone finds out that she's even back at all.

Jeremy's gone, and she's glad. He's moved on. He's the only one she wanted to say goodbye to anyway. It makes things easier.

Closure.

Damon and Elena are together, she knows it, she's seen them at the Salvatore house when she worked up the nerve to stop by, fist raised to rap gently on the door, just like every time she had stormed out on Damon in the prison world, only to return.

And first Caroline and Stefan show up, then Elena, trying and failing to convince Bonnie to give them the time of day. And Bonnie's polite and she talks but she doesn't hug back and she doesn't smile, and when she does smile, it never meets her eyes. And her friends are worried–are you mad at us? Are you still feeling suicidal? Are you okay?

And Bonnie just looks at them, standing on her porch and gazing at her with pity, looks at them square in the face and says, Yeah, I'm okay.

What she wants to say is, I'm done. But something stops her every time. Maybe it's some residual sense of martyrdom, always wanting to protect but never be protected. Whatever it is, she looks them dead in the eyes and tells them I'm okay. I'm just tired. I need to get used to being back. Please give me space. And she leaves them, stunned, as she shuts the front door with a click in their face...

She continues packing.

Damon knows she's back. He paces, and paces, and paces some more, grills Elena on what she said to her last time Elena visited. Elena repeats it, dully, She said to give her space, Damon. That's what I'm doing. That's what you're doing.

And Damon nods but deep down he knows he's not giving her space. He knows what seeing her would mean. It would mean they won't have the nineties anymore. That little pocket universe that they had all to themselves… that's gone. Poof. A memory.

And he doesn't want to see the look in her eyes when she tells him that he's failed her, that he couldn't save her no matter how hard he tried.

That he didn't try hard enough.

He doesn't even want to look at her, because he knows that if she said that to him, he'd break. The shame flares hot and deep.

Qetsiyah's magic prickles under her skin, like an allergy, waxing hot, waning cold, and Bonnie can't stand it. It's the last loose end and she knows she has to see him but she's been putting it off, putting it off, trying not to think about what she'll say or how she'll feel when she finally sees him again.

She hears a knock one day at her door, a bold, thumping sounds that she thought she would recognize anywhere. And so when a tentative smile pricks her lips and she opens the front door, she can't help the choking keen that escapes her when she realizes, reeling, that it's not Damon at her door but instead Kai. The monster who stabbed her, trapped her, left her for dead.

 _You_ , she hisses, and it's a guttural snarl that claws its way out of her throat

He even has the gall to smile at her.

Qetsiyah's magic is foreign to her, too tight and too loose at the same time, and so her aim is off when she sweeps her arms across her body and the glass panels on either side of the door shatter into a million glittering, razor sharp teeth, aimed at Kai's face and jugular. Kai simply waves a hand and the glass stops midair, twinkling in the sunlight like crystals, before it shreds his skin into tattered rags like she had hoped so desperately it would

 _Let me_ — he begins, but Bonnie runs.

It's a half hour later, sweating, bloody, both of them battered with magic and lying in crumpled heaps of exhaustion on the floor of her living room, that Kai finally explains the merge. That's he's only, like, five parts out of seven a sociopath now, _and the other two parts are these disgusting things called feelings_ (he says, frowning like a child).

Bonnie's spent, Qetsiyah's magic uncooperative, and she's panting and glaring. _Why the hell do you care? You tried to kill me. You left me for dead. I should kill you for that._

And even as the words sizzle on her tongue, ripe with fury, she realizes that he's not the only one who left her for dead. They all did.

She even did it to herself, towards the end.

Kai fixes her with the longest stare she's ever had to suffer in her life. _I saw you crying, before you tried to… you know_ , he finally admits, simply, matter-of-factly, _and that made me sad. I felt like I owed it to you to make you stop crying._

 _I think you have a nice smile_. He blinks, stupefied, like he doesn't quite know how to work his mouth. _I like… You have a nice smile._ He repeats, defeated, then he brushes himself off and leaves.

Bonnie clutches her side and curls into a fetal position on the floor, heart pounding in her chest.


End file.
